Long Story Short

 Long Story Short

  “It was so sudden….. I couldn’t remember why I was standing there dancing naked.

Numb to the men watching…. girls in their unending routines… their lost stories…. the smells of sadness and loneliness. I need a couple of lines of coke to get through this shift. Here I am hustling $20 dances in “Solid Gold”, somewhere in Dallas I’m not exactly sure where....with the song “Faithfully” blasting over the speakers for an uncountable number of times…..”

“Circus life under the big-top world

We all need the clowns to make us smile

Through space and time, always another show

Wonderin' where I am lost without you”

   “Just as suddenly, reality slaps me in the face. I think often, cry really….. about the naive fourteen year old girl from Galveston, who was not pretty or beautiful but “cute”. Since my so-called mother was lost to a crack pipe, I had to teach myself everything, how to do my makeup, keep my skin moisturized, take care of my hair and body. Boys are still a mystery and really a confusing bunch. Thank god for music and books, both are my only saviors…. Oh and my diary, my salvation. One day I’d just had enough and left with a few clothes in a worn out backpack.”

  “ Within days, I was quickly captured… rounded up… arrested…. by Child Protective Services multiple times. I was accused of causing trouble—only to be bounced among hotels and churches, even forced to sleep in office buildings. I was “fingered” between my legs by a fucking male staffer and complained to anyone who would listen. I’m what Texas calls a “child without placement,” or CWOP. They’ve used sedatives to the point where I was continuously falling asleep in class, beaten by other girls for reasons I can’t explain. I’ve tried to escape many times and finally found myself able to hustle enough money to hide from the bureaucracy. Flower is my dancing name, Daisy is the name my mom gave me…. I love both names actually. Now at a more smarter nineteen….. all I’ve got is invisible ink tattooed on my heart, tears that no one cares about and a broke spirit with hope of better days…. I remember everything, everyday, and every night. There’s a whole world in every teardrop.”

  “Lost in the darkness of my insecurities, there’s a quote that makes me sad but I can’t remember from where or by who or why…..”

“Some nomads are at home everywhere, 

others are at home nowhere,

….. and I was one of those”.

  Roy is one of Flower’s/Daisy regulars who is usually good for a hundred bucks or two. He is very handsie to the point that management constantly warns him with threats of expulsion and even banishment. Roy Allen a twenty-five year old oilfield roughneck with the standard buzz cut, massive biceps with powerful forearms that follow, and an attitude of confidence and entitlement. When she warns him, he says “Fuck them” and then tries to get her to go out for some “runnin the streets” together. Flower isn’t  immune from his good looks, chiseled body, and large bulge in his jeans that makes her imagination explode. What she doesn’t know is the numerous charges of physical violence and abuse that good “‘ol’ Roy” prefers to kick into the past. This shitkicker is from Lake Charles, LA. but tells everyone that he’s “born and raised in Beaumont, TX.” hoping to blur out most of his past problems. Flower isn’t ever without a strategy to disappear, whenever she didn’t feel safe she just could move on if she needed or wanted.

  “Everything changed when Krystal started working at Gold and I mean everything. She’s 2 years older than me and is light years ahead in the mysteries of life. What really changed was how I felt when I think about her…. whenever she’s on stage she makes me smile, laugh, and cry all at once. Never saw a girl like her before…. she makes me moist between the legs, wet actually. I thought Roy was the only person who could make that happen but Krystal is like a fuck’n rocket launch. I never knew that there were girls like that, never thought that I could be like that…. god it is exciting”.

  “Not sure what I want but I know it has everything to do with Krystal. People are crazy and I’m just a little bit crazy too, so last night Krystal and I shared a small dance platform together for the first time….  yeah you can imagine what that looks like to all the dudes in the crowd…. what they were imagining is exactly what we were thinking about too, hot and nasty with a lot of heat…..

 “Then she whispered in my ear and said, “trust in my lovin’ arms ... .have a little bit of faith in me”.

  “The next few weeks soon turned into months and we were both feeling blind in love. Working together on stage was paying off beyond our expectations, everyone could feel the emotional energy between us…. especially the sexual tension now on level 10. It’s amazing to go home after long nights dancing for drunken assholes, working seemingly endless shifts, and then to shower and crawl into bed together… to feel safe, clean and wanted.”

   “Never doubted that my life would be better someday if I kept moving forward. I finally found the strength to be truthful towards myself and to Krystal…. a secret that was… and now is so very precious…. my two miscarriages. It was on the other side of “The Wall” where I alone could visit and those on this side of the “Wall ” were ignorant of my own love for those two beautiful souls who were never born. My loneliness was my own to bear, to shape, and to make sure that they would never be forgotten… my sweet, my so innocent…. Tommy and Terry. I needed to give them names to help me keep them alive in my heart and memories. I wanted to share my solitude with Krystal. I only now realized how alone I was in the world. It was Krystal who brought me back from the brink of despair. She alone showed me the emptiness of my life and then the kindness on how to move forward. The mystery of human nature is something that logic alone cannot illuminate.”

   One night after double shifts Flower and Krystal walked out into the darkened parking lot around 2.30am giggling like two school girls out after a Friday night high school football game. It was Krystal’s 22nd birthday. There they saw Roy leaning against the white F350 crewcab with the door open and the diesel engine clattering. He smiled innocently, seemingly in a good mood. Feeling apprehensive about the whole situation before them, they continued towards their car. He spoke confidently saying he had a gift for Krystal and reached into the rear seat pulling out a medium sized package wrapped in turquoise foil with a large matching bow. He smiled again as he held out the gift and in his usual charming voice said “happy birthday.”

   They had no reason to fear Roy. He had been a bit distant the last couple of weeks but he was still a good customer. Flower had slowly moved away from their sexual escapades and he seemed resigned to being replaced by Krystal.